Dancer – Suburban Beach Gypsy

DancerShe was on the run. Traveling as fast as she could, she had taken a job on the other side of the country.  Two weeks from now (at forty-seven years old) she would start her new position as the VP of Science at a Biotech start up and planned to be busy forgetting everyone she used to know.  Not that she had much choice.  Six months earlier she had diagnosed herself with frontotemporal dementia.  Dr. Claudette Deering was on the run from herself.

Two years ago she had started to notice changes in her mood.   At first it seemed a euphoric second youth had taken her.  Everything was more intense.  Food had more flavor.  Music moved her like a school girl.  Even colors had more depth – like poetry.  However, the science part of her had started to calculate the changes and was busy translating the behavior in to symptoms – symptoms that were familiar to her as a doctor.  A small part of her brain had quietly started documenting her behavior flagging them for her conscience mind.  She started keeping a journal of her days, her interactions, and behaviors.

When she felt she had enough evidence, she had her suspicions confirmed by a colleague under the pretense of seeking advice for a patient. FTD, her friend, colleague, and fellow neurologist had confirmed.  “The last item you shared confirmed it for me.  I would have to see the patient for myself to make a formal diagnosis, but this clearly shows the patient’s lack of empathy and loss of interpersonal skills.”  The last item had also confirmed it for Claudette.  It was the recounting of a moment she had experienced with an employee of hers.  She had been talking to the employee and while they were speaking she had picked up a picture on the employees desk to examine it and then had started to poke holes in the faces with a pin she had freed the photograph from that had kept the picture attached to the employees pin board.

Later that day, while she was updating her journal, she had recalled the incident. While she was not upset by her behavior,  she did understand that this was proof she had been looking for.

There was no use seeking a second opinion formally and having herself subjected to a battery of tests. The doctor was sure to revoke her license immediately and start the process towards putting her on long term disability.  She would then be pressured to give power of attorney to her closest relative – in this case her daughter.  Her life as she knew it would be over.  As a neurologist she was well aware of the changes she was going to face and the loss of freedom that would come with them.  She was determined to make the most of the small time she had to still be her.

She had found a new job in a field unrelated to her expertise and had promptly moved across the country. No one would be able to track her decline.  No one would be able to call her out on loss of knowledge.  No one would be able to observe a dramatic change in behavior; because… no one would know her.

Tonight she was still free. She sat under the starry sky on the tailgate of her Chevrolet Suburban watching the fire she had made at her camp near Bodega Bay in California.  The beach was about 20 miles from Santa Rosa – the city of her new job.  Her condo didn’t close escrow until a week from now and her new career would start a week after.  For seven days she would enjoy the anonymousness of being a suburban beach gypsy.  For the first time in her life, she was unconcerned about what would happen next.  She did not have a daughter to raise, she did not have patients to attend to, she did not have a board to answer to.  Ironically, with everything going for her, she didn’t have much of a future.  She was living in the moment.  She spun around in glorious abandonment.

“Nice moves”, she heard from a voice in the dark. A young man entered the perimeter of her light with a banjo in hand.  “There is a drum circle tonight at the beach in celebration of Mistress Luna”, he said pointing at the full moon gracing the sky.   “Care to join me?”

Claudette briefly wondered how much of the night cover had disguised her age. But she felt young, impulsive, and carefree – all symptoms of her disease her mind amusedly reminded her.  “I would love to” she replied.

 

Street Performer – Keep on rockin’ in the free world

IMG_0097When you don’t want to work for wages and you don’t own your own business, options for making money are few and far between – Kyle thought. It was difficult to be free. With no car, he couldn’t be an Uber/Lyft driver and with no spare room to rent he couldn’t participate in Air B&B. Thank God he had this old banjo and a good singing voice.

Kyle counted up the money in his Deering case and added it to the rest in the hidden recesses of his jacket. Pocket money, it helped pay for dance lessons, haircuts, the gym… – all the extras in life. His anesthesiologist father reluctantly kept him in food and shelter. What daddy didn’t provide (in an effort to encourage him to go to college) was extra cash he thought as he patted his hidden take.

When you worked in tourist areas you learned never to leave too much money in whatever collection container you might have in front of you. He had also learned never to keep it in his wallet – the real one in danger of pick pockets nor the fake one with an old ID, an expired credit card, and twenty dollars to be surrendered to muggers.

He boarded the bus and sat with his feet firmly planted on the ground. He was embarrassed by the holes in his sneakers inspired by impromptu pirouettes on cement. These creative outbursts had worn sweet little circles in the soles of his shoes.

Irritatingly enough he had just purchased a new pair of boots rather recently. Well, not exactly purchased. But they were new, he thought coincidently spying an identical pair on the feet of a man directly in front of him. (You never looked anyone in the eye on the bus if you could help it. Kyle always kept his eyes firmly on peoples feet).

They had been a replacement for a pair of Timberland hiking boots he had purchased and then split the soles off the upper. He had frequently abused the boots balancing on his toes at bus shelters while waiting on public transit. They had been expensive (for him) and trendy and the experience had made him just mad enough to walk himself down to Nordstrom’s and demand a new pair. They should have lasted a lot longer than they did. Maybe they hadn’t been designed for point-work but Nordstrom’s didn’t need to know that. He would certainly refrain from practicing such dance moves in good shoes in the future.

The clerk had looked at him in disbelief when he had presented them to him. It was a look of “oh my God, what have you been doing to these poor shoes”. However, he had agreed that they should have lasted longer and then exchanged them for a new pair after approval from a manager.

Then unexpectedly, his trendy replaced Timberland boots had gone missing. Sure, they had almost immediately thrown a shoelace grommet, but to Kyle this had seemed like the price you would be expected to pay for the shenanigans he had gone through to get them. It was karma. It had never even occurred to him to demand another replacement. They had thrown a grommet, just like the ones in front of him. They must all have the same defect he pondered missing his shoes. It probably wouldn’t even matter if he had exchanged them. They would probably all throw the same eyelet. He wondered what the odds were that his shoes would have the same defect as the one in front of him.

They almost looked identical to the pair that had gone missing – certainly they were the same size. Kyle looked up suddenly to see if the shoes were on anyone he recognized. He met the eyes of a stranger in midst of a blush and a guilty look. Kyle couldn’t place this man’s face anywhere.

The man abruptly got up and pulled the cord that announced he would get off at the next stop. Kyle kept staring at him and the man kept avoiding his gaze. Kyle had no idea what to do. The city had conditioned him to prepare for pick-pockets and muggers, but he was in no way prepared to come face to face with someone wearing his missing shoes.

After the man got off, Kyle wondered – even if the man had stolen his shoes somehow – what he could have done to get them back. And if he had stolen them, how on earth had he managed to do it, and where, and when? Was this guy some trick of his fathers and he had taken them as a trophy? Had he accidentally left them at the gym or dance school and this guy had taken them? He often changed his shoes to clogs or sandals after a workout as he hated shoving his swollen feet into tight boots.

Another twist of karma Kyle decided giving in to the fact that no amount of speculation would bring those boots back. He leaned back is his seat placing his earbuds back in. He would take comfort in having a rich father. Today’s work had afforded him another month of classes and perhaps another pair of shoes. Boots or no boots, was still free from getting a real job or going to school. Maybe this time he would purchase shoes that were cheaper… and something he could slip on.

Keep on walking in a free world, he hummed silently to himself changing the lyrics. Kyle was; after all, the star of the musical fantasies he lived in, the chanteuse of his cabaret, and the diva of his one man show.

Dancers – Don’t Sickle

68183c99-a2e5-43a6-9287-85bb2257068b.jpegThomas sat sewing the elastic straps to his technique shoes on the hard stage of the empty theater. The cold ran right from the floor through the thin fabric of his warm up clothing chilling his underweight body – even more than the morning air. Morning – if you could call 11:30 morning. Let’s face it. This town was just fucking cold he thought with resignation. He wasn’t even sure where he was. He hadn’t used his passport in a while so he assumed they were somewhere in the continental US. Tennessee? Alabama? He vaguely recalled someone calling this the red neck tour.

He hadn’t made any friends so he couldn’t be sure and he really couldn’t be bothered to ask anyone.  They were all uptight modern dancers in a touring show funded by some grant or other. Rehearsals had revealed he had the strongest technique of anyone in the company and this hadn’t endeared him to anyone. They were all wondering why he was slumming with them.

The reality was there weren’t a whole lot of offers waiting for him. He had an offer from a small  regional ballet, an off Broadway musical, and this.  He started dancing to see the world. The touring modern company had been the winner.

He was the first one ready for barre. There was no coffee and his GPS showed the closest café 3 miles away. He sat wondering how he was going to make it through warm up when a fellow dancer (he assumed due to the leotard he was wearing as he couldn’t recall ever seeing him before) sat next to him and handed him a cup. “Black right?”

“Thanks”, said a humbled Thomas. He sat there – adjusted his attitude, put his shoes aside, and walked to the center of the stage. “Any advice?” he asked looking back crouching in the ballet’s signature pose and pointing his foot.

“Don’t Sickle”